JENSIZED LAST ACTIVITY IN MEMPHIS TOWN

Infographic fun

By Jen

I set aside my disdain for giant uninformative infographics to try out Visual.ly’s “Twitterize Yourself” app. I only dispute my interestingness.

Make your own infographic here.

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Via Chicago: Megabus bachelorette weekend, part one

By Jen

People told me Chicago would make me hate Memphis. I wouldn’t go that far, but let’s just say I never felt homesick.

Five of my girlfriends and I rode down on the Megabus late Thursday night and arrived at about 10:30 Friday morning. My cousin flew up from NOLA. We headed immediately to Giordano’s Pizzaon Jackson Street. We split a Family Appetizer Platter and two large pizzas which ended up being entirely too much food. I mean, just look at that heap of deep-fried self-loathing.

Then we headed to State Street for some light shopping. H&M has a deejay who plays the hits while you shop. The music wasn’t bad but I was annoyed by how much space he took up in the crowded store. Nobody was even paying attention to him and he was so much bigger than an iPod. God, how old am I?

I bought some shoes at Nordstrom Rack for $23. They were originally $130, and yes, it felt just like winning the lottery. We watched the Tigers game at a bar called Stocks and Blondes. That was pretty devastating. (The game, not the bar.)

Also devastating was the train ride to SmartBar. Colette was pretty good, but it wasn’t the best set I’ve seen from her.

Saturday brought more shopping. My main objective was to go to American Girl Place on Michigan Ave.

Yes, it was St. Patrick’s Day and my bachelorette party in a strange city where I totally could have gotten away with acting like a jackass. But the idea of an entire two-story shop of nothing but American Girl dolls, books and accessories unleashed my inner 8-year-old. She was pleased as punch when we got there. She also almost convinced me to purchase a $25 miniature Molly doll. (Still my favorite after all these years.)

Instead, I purchased an amazing necklace at Henri Bendel, which has since become the only piece of my wedding day outfit Brian’s been allowed to see. Plus a blouse and jeans at TopShop (omg!) that only set me back $33. And a dress from the other Nordstrom Rack location. And…and… I shopped a lot.

We skipped the St. Patty’s shenanigans and bought a couple bottles of wine at Walgreens (omg!) to take back to the hotel. We ordered sushi delivery. And that was when I understood why people said “it’ll make you hate Memphis.” Like I said, I wouldn’t go that far. But I realized the city is much bigger in my mind. I felt like such a bumpkin at that moment. “Y’all they deliver sushi here. Sushi, y’all.”

McDonalds introduces the Sad Meal

By Jen

Like a any good American consumer, I sometimes succumb to ferocious McDonald’s cravings. To allay my guilt for eating something so unapologetically unhealthy I always get a Happy Meal. The toy is my reward for eating 550 calories worth of trash instead of 1,000. (I usually give it to the cats.)

Usually I start munching on the fries on the way home. The closest McDonald’s is about a mile away.

So imagine my UNBRIDLED FURY when Sunday evening I returned home to see that I had consumed EVERY LAST FRY in the car, because of this:

Yes, McDonalds Happy Meal french fries are now served IN A RAMEKIN. They gave me SEVEN DAMN FRIES with my Happy Meal. I dumped the bag out onto the counter in a fit.

“Oh, what’s this?” I asked the cats, since Brian was out of town. “APPLES? I DID NOT ASK FOR APPLES.” Few times in my life have I hoped to see Ashton Kutcher anywhere, but I really wished he would appear with the rest of my french fries. “JAY KAY! Here’s your fries! You’ve been PUNK’D!!!!”

Alas, I must have overlooked the news last summer that McDonalds was reducing Happy Meal portion sizes and including the apples in every meal. And the apples aren’t “Apple Dippers,” they’re just regular ole apple slices. Thank goodness for Nutella, right? There were maybe five in the pack. And the toy was a lame Build-a-Bear. So disappointing.

I understand the goal is to make kids eat healthy. But me and the Happy Meal, we’ve had a good thing going for a long time. And now, at age 29, I gotta start ordering off the adult menu. Boo.

Wedding countdown: when vanity sets in

By Jen

“My wedding is a month away and I don’t want to look like a ghoul.”
“How long has it been since you used a tanning bed?”
“Ummmm… summer 2010? And I only went like twice.”
“Woof.* Well, we better get you started.”

This is my life for the next six weeks. Gym, tan, diet (If you thought I was going to say “laundry” you don’t know me at all). So much for spitting in the face of the wedding industrial complex: I need Michelle arms and a face that’s not the same color as my dress A.S.A.P.

You can’t tell by looking at me — “woof,” indeed — but I actually sorta enjoy tanning. Yes, I am aware of the risks. I also drink alcohol and inhale secondhand smoke and sometimes I jaywalk. So you can say I’m a risk taker.

But it’s relaxing. Meditative, even. It’s like a bubble bath, but in a coffin full of fluorescent light bulbs.

*She actually said that. And oddly enough, it didn’t bother me.

Think you for ruining social media

By Jen

I am over “social media.”

There, I said it.

I love chatting and sharing links on Twitter and pinning home hacks on Pinterest. I love showing the MicroMemphis class how to enhance their reporting with Tumblr and Foursquare. Even though I’m not there anymore I loved my job at The Commercial Appeal, where I got to share news and hear feedback and talk to readers on Twitter and Facebook all day.

This isn’t a new phenomenon, and I’m not referring to anyone in particular. I thought as adoption increased that people would realize there’s no secret formula to being “successful” on sites like Facebook. But some self-styled ”gurus” and marketers have siphoned off all the joy and tried to distill it into cash.

Somehow they managed to convince people a different set of rules apply for communicating on Twitter than anywhere else online. Or “in real life,” for that matter.

Be constructive.

Don’t be a jerk.

Use common sense.

Don’t say anything you’d be ashamed for your grandma to hear.

The key to “social media success” is the same as the key to making friends: Be interesting. Talk and listen.

That’s it. Seriously.