JENSIZED LAST ACTIVITY IN MEMPHIS TOWN

McDonalds introduces the Sad Meal

By Jen

Like a any good American consumer, I sometimes succumb to ferocious McDonald’s cravings. To allay my guilt for eating something so unapologetically unhealthy I always get a Happy Meal. The toy is my reward for eating 550 calories worth of trash instead of 1,000. (I usually give it to the cats.)

Usually I start munching on the fries on the way home. The closest McDonald’s is about a mile away.

So imagine my UNBRIDLED FURY when Sunday evening I returned home to see that I had consumed EVERY LAST FRY in the car, because of this:

Yes, McDonalds Happy Meal french fries are now served IN A RAMEKIN. They gave me SEVEN DAMN FRIES with my Happy Meal. I dumped the bag out onto the counter in a fit.

“Oh, what’s this?” I asked the cats, since Brian was out of town. “APPLES? I DID NOT ASK FOR APPLES.” Few times in my life have I hoped to see Ashton Kutcher anywhere, but I really wished he would appear with the rest of my french fries. “JAY KAY! Here’s your fries! You’ve been PUNK’D!!!!”

Alas, I must have overlooked the news last summer that McDonalds was reducing Happy Meal portion sizes and including the apples in every meal. And the apples aren’t “Apple Dippers,” they’re just regular ole apple slices. Thank goodness for Nutella, right? There were maybe five in the pack. And the toy was a lame Build-a-Bear. So disappointing.

I understand the goal is to make kids eat healthy. But me and the Happy Meal, we’ve had a good thing going for a long time. And now, at age 29, I gotta start ordering off the adult menu. Boo.