Before I left my parents’ house yesterday afternoon, I loaded my iPhone with podcasts to listen to with the aid of my new iTrip Auto. Somewhere near Corinth, Mississippi, a segment from the latest episode of KCRW’s “Good Food” caught my attention.
It was about a movement in LA called “Guerilla Gay Bar,” which describes itself as “flashmob meets the French Revolution meets Kylie.” Basically, the premise is, a big group of gay men take over “the coolest straight bar we can find” for a night, thereby making it a gay bar.
My question is, why do we have to differentiate? Does the fact that an establishment is occupied by gay people make it gay? If five gay people go to Starbucks and they are the only ones there, would that Starbucks then be a gay coffee shop?
I worked at a bar widely regarded a “gay bar” – it even won second place in the Memphis Flyer reader’s poll “best gay bar” category – for more than four years. One of the original owners is gay, deejays spun house music weekly, we had a big gay clientele… but we also served $1 Busch and played rock and roll on Wednesdays, and for awhile our Sunday 80’s night was the place to be. It had something for everyone.
I lost count of how many times I answered the phone behind the bar and was asked, “Are y’all a gay bar?” My reply would be either something like “We don’t discriminate and everyone of legal drinking age is welcome to come have a good time” or, if I was in a snippy mood, “No.”
If a straight person was on the other end of the line, they’d say either, “Okay, cool,” or “Well I heard…” followed by a story about how this one time this dude touched their buddy’s ass while he was waiting to use the urinal… and then I’d have to explain. If it was a gay person, “Oh, well, I was on the message boards at gay.com and they said this was a good place to go in Memphis…” and then I’d still have to explain.
“Well it is a good place to go in Memphis – you just don’t have to be gay.”
“So are there a lot of gay people there?”
“Yeah, but a lot of straight people too.”
Then I would either say “See you tonight!” or give them directions to a bar that actually deems itself “gay”… even though you’ll still find just as many “breeders” there on any given Saturday. Maybe Memphis just lacks the sheer population. But I’ve never seen a gay bar like the ones Vito patronized on The Sopranos, populated solely by sweaty, mustachioed bears and frosted twinks making out on the dancefloor while “Justify My Love” blares, nary a female in sight.
This of course is the visual I have of West Hollywood, which is, according to the guerilla in the KCRW piece, where most LA-area gays hang out exclusively. “Maybe it’s just a comfort zone thing,” I thought. “Maybe they just feel safe at ‘their’ bars.” But during the segment, the server and manager interviewed both said things like “I’m glad they’re here,” “I always have a great time at gay bars,” “We just want people to have a good time.”
If we are trying to go down a path toward acceptance and tolerance, is it still necessary to make a “separate but equal” distinction between gay and straight bars? Or is the “gay bar” another nightlife niche, like the hipster bar, jazz club and hookah lounge? If that’s the case, should we be calling it something different?
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