JENSIZED LAST ACTIVITY IN MEMPHIS TOWN

We need to talk about your alcoholic home decor.

By Jen

Yesterday I went to several stores looking for a hairbrush caddy. Or something I could use as a hairbrush caddy. Some kind of hanging wall storage for my brushes, to keep me from leaving them in the sink and getting hair everywhere. Such a thing apparently doesn’t exist, at least not in the form I imagined. Remembering I have a sewing machine, I eventually gave up and decided to make something myself.

What I did find, however, was a disturbing trend. Every store I visited had several pieces for sale that wantonly glorify getting totally slizzered. Whither the simpler days, when people showcased their love of hooch with a well-stocked liquor cabinet?

Get too drunk to understand that water is required to grow the grapes to make wine, as well as the sugar that makes champagne fizzy. Science!

These are wine bottle holders. Collect them all! Or, put your bottle of wine on a table like a normal person and save $30. You can spend that on more wine, you hound.

Only funny if the glass is full of soup. And then, only funny because who eats soup from a wine glass?

Wonder why this one was on clearance? (I bet it’s because it’s ugly.) Somewhere on some salon wall there is a sign that says “I would rather have shampoo than real poo.”

Never underestimate the power of beer… to give you yeast bloat and rancid breath! And anyway, doesn’t letting your wife decorate your “man cave” kinda defeat the purpose? Because I only saw one man at that store, and he was most definitely there against his will.