JENSIZED LAST ACTIVITY IN MEMPHIS TOWN

Why Grumpy Cats isnt grumpy at all

By Jen

“Tard,” better known to most of us as “Grumpy Cat,” has been an Internet sensation for about six months now, and it’s time for the poor kitty’s fifteen minutes to end.

Grumpy Cat’s star began to rise in September, when Reddit users made her a meme. And boy, have her owners cashed in. Her official website offers T-shirts, mugs, magnets, iPhone cases, playing cards and custom birthday cards with the cat’s face on it. That part I don’t mind. I wish my cats would bring in some income.

What I do mind, is the increasingly obvious fact that Grumpy Cat is not actually grumpy. And here’s why.

1. Grumpy Cat looks the way she does because she is afflicted with feline dwarfism.

Considering that, I’m not so sure her nickname is actually short for “Tardar Sauce” (the stuff you eat with your catfish is tartar sauce) and not another word with “tard” in it. Either way, dwarfism, like in humans, is a genetic mutation that causes shortening of the limbs. Also as in humans, dwarf cats face health risks associated with their dwarfism. On her website her owners claim that she has a clean bill of health and is a perfectly normal kitty. But she’s less than a year old. She’s still a kitten.

2. Grumpy Cat travels.

Look, my cat Buddy is the mellowest cat you’ll ever meet. He lets us pick him up and carry him around the house like a baby (and he likes it). But even he freaks out when I put him in the car. There are a few breeds whose dispositions are more suited to travel, but most cats don’t enjoy traveling. Grumpy Cat has been on several TV shows. She’s been to SXSW more times than I have, unfortunately. If that cat was really grumpy it would take untold millions of dollars for her owner to take it anywhere. Take it from me.

Grumpy Cat is OK around strangers. Lots of strangers.

And dogs.

The Daily Grump, February 19

And Anderson Cooper.

She lets Andy smooch on her like it’s no bigs

And Andrew WK.

Andrew WK has something in common with Grumpy Cat: As awesome as he is, I’m not totally sure why he’s relevant.

4. Grumpy Cat lets her owners put clothes on her.

Scott Beale of Laughingsquid captures Grumpy Cat during her trip to New York, just chillin’ in a Santa hat. Because, y’know, cats do that.

So, the more we know about the so-called Grumpy Cat, the less grumpy she turns out to be. I may get banned from the Internet for this, but I think it’s time to move on.