JENSIZED LAST ACTIVITY IN MEMPHIS TOWN

Whats the difference between a bride and a crazy person

By Jen

Friday night. Wedding’s in eight days. I’m sitting cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by craft supplies, fighting Buddy for a piece of twine. TLC’s every-Friday “BrideDay” marathon is on.

“Jack her up! Jack her up!” I chant at the TV as the bride-to-be examines herself in the three-way mirror. Fashion director Monty clips a veil into her hair.

Gasping, she flaps her wrists to fan away her tears.

Her mom cries.

My own eyes well up.

“Say yes! Girl you better say yes because That. Is. It!” I implore the woman inside the television.

“Is this your dress?” bridal shop owner Lori asks.

“YES!”

“Yaaaaaay!” I squeal, clapping like a hungry seal.

They say getting married changes you, but I’m not sure this is what they meant. Since we got engaged, I have become a person who

• Knows the meanings of the words “bolero” and “fascinator”
• Can decorate a 40×40 room with a stack of old 45’s
• Can do calligraphy
• Watches untold hours of “Say Yes to the Dress”
• Gets misty-eyed during “Say Yes to the Dress”
• Got misty-eyed reading an iPhone pic of the rough draft of the ceremony outline
• Reads wedding blogs (still)
• Fancies herself an eBay/Etsy ninja
• Has considered channeling her newfound craftiness into her own Etsy shop
• Tans
• Impulsively picks up Southern Bride and Martha Stewart Weddings in the grocery checkout line
• Knows her ring will be sized in plenty of time for Saturday but just wants to try it on and hold it and look at it ‘n’ stuff
• Knows it’s probably for the best because she’d probably just lose it
• Settles for Googling images of channel-set wedding bands
• Paces the jewelry-making aisle at Michael’s for a solid half-hour in search of a single bead
• Is having second thoughts about the bead
• Enters online sweepstakes
• Sometimes thinks The Offbeat Bride is a little too offbeat (like, really ?)
• Has said the phrase “This is supposed to be about what I want” more than once (This hasn’t happened much but it gets easier each time you say it)
• Knows the names of several different flowers and which ones are currently in season
• Wants to apologize to all the people she judged for babbling incessantly about their weddings because she totally gets it now