Exceptions, of course, include things that are actually about Buddhism and art.

It’s gotten so out of control, I’m amazed that Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance still even shows up in Google when you search for “zen and the art.” That search yields more than 6 million results that include “Zen and the Art of Twitter,” “Zen and the Art of Nonprofit Technology,” and “Zen and the  Art of Face Punching” (which is actually kinda funny).

Even the usually-reputable New York Times is guilty with “Zen and the Art of Coping With Alzheimer’s,” which, although it may be an apt title for the story, is just uncreative and lazy. Let’s rein it in, folks.

These are all the words that were underlined in the first few pages of the copy of Herzog I checked out from the library yesterday. The underlining has become more sparse as I’ve read on — I’m on page 52 now — and stops completely, as far as I can tell, at page 130.

I wonder if that’s because the previous reader gave up on Moses Herzog. Or if he got sidetracked and didn’t know he could renew the book for another three weeks, although this seems like the kind of book that only takes a few days to read. Maybe he remembered the book didn’t belong to him and the next person who’d read it would have no idea what his annotations meant.

Because, even as a recovering scribbler, I find these lines distracting. What do they mean? They seem more like place-markers than notes. They don’t trigger anything or highlight anything important. They’re just lines.

Do you underline to stay awake, prior reader? Were you reading this for a class? What class assigns Bellow, I wonder, and why didn’t I take it? Did you have to read Roth in this class too? It only seems appropriate, if not a bit redundant.

My brackets, asterisks, underlines, question marks and exclamation points are meaningful to only me, and I feel like this copy of Herzog is my revenge for every time I naively offered to lend a book to a friend and said “YOU CAN TOTALLY USE MY NOTES!” Actually you can’t, because they are in a language I invented. But at least I defaced my own books and not ones that belonged to the library.

That comic and Simon’s Cat are probably the most amusing and accurate portrayals of life with cats on the entire internet. Today the site’s creator linked to her interview on “I Have Cat,” a blog whose topic is pretty self-evident.

After I read the interview I poked around the site for a bit. This guest post about the double-standards applied to single men with cats versus single women got my gears turning. This notion that cat ownership is a personality defect in a woman and an asset for a man must be stopped. Here’s the most depressing part of the post:

Another single friend recently signed up to one of the more wholesome Internet dating sites and showed me her profile and asked me whether there was anything I thought she should add. “You haven’t mentioned that you like cats, have you?” I said. “No. She replied. That’s because you don’t, if you’re a girl. It’s The Rule.” I noticed that in one of her photos she had cropped out Bob, her chunky tabby. I felt sorry for Bob. Had he had any say in this?

“But you wouldn’t want to go out with someone who doesn’t like cats, though, would you?” I asked. “No!” she replied, horrified.

Now this is just unfair. We already have enough “big reveals” to stress over, like how we look without makeup or contacts or Spanx. If a guy red-flags you when he finds out about your cat, guess what? Cats can live to be 20+ years old so there’s a good chance Fluffy will be in your life longer than he will. His loss.

I was ready to launch a PR campaign on behalf of female cat owners until I read the first comment on the post. “Sweet Praline,” speaking on behalf of her “mom,” validates the concerns of every cat-averse male out there.

Well said! My mom has been “single again” for 14 years now and I’ve been with her for almost 15 years. She says that even though she gets lonely at times, she really likes her independence.

Lady, cats do not have thumbs and they don’t speak English, much less post blog comments. You’re not helping.

Why is this, I wonder? Between Harry Potter, Twilight, and now this “Hunger Games” trilogy it seems there’s a trend. These YA books all seem to be sci-fi/fantasy on some level, and as far as I know there are plenty of titles in the genre geared toward adults. I hesitate to say we are too lazy to read a book written for a reader above the 9th-grade level so I’m just going to blame the internet.

I feel like a jerk saying this — but I’ll feel relieved when I drop Penny off at the vet tomorrow, knowing she’s in good capable, professional hands while I try to return to my normal life of going to the office and interacting with adults who don’t work at the vet’s office. For all the grousing I do about the grind of going to work and all that, sitting at home all day is —pardon my candor — fuckin’ boring. Despite knowing how much Penny needs me and how much I’m doing for her right now the feeling of un-productivity is making me stir-crazy.

So I’ve been doing odd chores around the house, washing bedding (because Penny drooled all over our sheets today), vacuuming, stuff like that. One of the lights in our laundry room has been out for a while, so I decided to walk to the new Ace Hardware a block away and pick up some light bulbs. Of course the bulbs I got didn’t fit the fixture — stupid CFLs — but I digress.

Walking back from the hardware store it occurred to me how lucky I am to have so many amenities within yards of my front door. There’s ACE, Walgreens, Hancock Fabrics, Subway, a dry cleaners and a freaking bowling alley! The shopping center is totally unassuming, just there to serve the neighborhood (and bowlers). And then there are two parks on either side of us.

It was one of the neighborhood’s biggest draws for me not just for the convenience, but because it reminded me so much of my grandma’s neighborhood in New Orleans, which was built around the same time. On one side was a shopping center with a bank,  a little grocery (Mimi’s), a hardware store and a drugstore (which I think was called Crown and B&B at various points). A couple blocks down was a Canal Villere (now Robert’s), Walgreens, A&P (this later became an athletic club), K&B, Baskin Robbins… Now I don’t remember if all of this stuff existed at the same time because it seems a bit ridiculous to have two drugstores and two grocery stores in the same strip mall. There was no reason to drive anywhere. Even when I was older and would visit by myself, my car would stay parked on Sardonyx Street for most of my stay. (Yes, I went downtown…on the bus.)

Anyway, at least here in Memphis, it seems like that notion of “neighborhood places” has fallen by the wayside. For every place like High Point Terrace or certain parts of Midtown there are countless areas where the houses are so isolated from services and amenities that you can’t get anything done without getting in the car. And I’m not just talking about the suburbs here. For all Cooper/Young’s attractions — the restaurants, bars, Burke’s, Java Cabana and even the Mini-Mart — you still have to hike to Ike’s or Rite-Aid to get a prescription filled. Mind you, I’m not saying Cooper/Young needs a Rite-Aid. I’m saying damn near everything is lined up on Poplar and Union so no matter how close you are, walking or biking is neither safe nor convenient.

I just heard today that a company is working on a plan to redevelop Overton Square after an Oklahoma company’s plans fell flat. Here’s hoping it’s full of not just cool hangouts, but “neighborhood places” to accomodate the people who live nearby. I’m not the type to pine for the good ole’ days, but I wouldn’t mind a revival.

Part of the problem here is that I don’t know how to work the phone system. I only know how to answer and dial out. And use the speakerphone, but sometimes I even screw that up. Of course that also means I haven’t changed my voicemail greeting because I don’t know how. The phone didn’t come with instructions. I guess they just assume you know how to work the thing. Clearly they know nothing about my generation.

The rest of the problem is that I am a socially-awkward millenial who hates talking on the phone. I prefer e-mail because it lessens dramatically the chances of me blurting out something stupid.

So I’m deeply regretting having answered the phone this afternoon because all my telephone anxieties were validated in that one call.

The phone rang. I thought it may be Brian, because he’s supposed to come downtown so I could take him to dinner for his birthday. My caller I.D. is kind of sketchy. So I answered. Immediately this woman on the other end started yelling at me that she had tried to call five times to “stop these newspapers from coming” to her house, and she never asked for them, and she doesn’t “support” us because we are “killing all the trees” (I’m pretty sure we use recycled paper but she didn’t let me get a word in edgewise, what with all the yelling).

As soon as I caught my breath I gasped “well ma’am I’m not really sure what to tell you as I’m the designer and therefore not involved in circulation.” I offered to transfer her to “the front desk” and quickly figured out how to put her on hold. Then I had to figure out who to transfer the call to and HOW TO TRANSFER A CALL. I guess I did it right, because she hasn’t called back, but my heart’s still racing a little bit.

I freaking hate the phone.

Is this another hipster-pandering movie? I think so.

Do I still kinda wanna see it? I’m slightly ashamed to admit that I do.

via The Onion

I get it now. You’re right, Facebook sucks.

But my reasons for wanting to punch the jerkbag above in the face may differ from yours.

This may sound completely irresponsible, but I’m not all that vexed about the privacy thing (and by the way, MoveOn, I think creating Facebook groups to protest Facebook is kind of ridiculous). I don’t have anything on there that I consider private. I don’t really care whether they call it “likes” or “fans,” and I don’t give even half a damn what the News Feed looks like. I wouldn’t mind if people were banned from creating groups like “FACEBOOK IS GOING TO START CHARGING IN JANUARY! JOIN THIS GROUP TO TELL THEM FB SHULD BE FREE!!!!!!111″ or “SEE WHO VIEWS YOUR PROFILE! THIS REALLY WORKS!!!!!” but at least it helps me weed out morons from my friends list.

But there are some features that seem totally intuitive and I can’t figure out why they’re omitted. And thousands upon thousands of people complain about them on Facebook’s help center, yet they seem to prefer adding features that make using the site complicated. Most of them involve Facebook Pages, of which I administer three. For example: you can’t change page types. You just can’t. So if you decide your page is better classified as “Small Business” than “Product,” too bad.

And you can’t post comments on your page’s wall items as yourself. Which is a horrible idea for pages with multiple admins, and it means I can’t post on my work’s Facebook wall without it appearing that I’m speaking on behalf of the company.

And then there’s the bugs. The number of “Likes” (or fans, whatever it is nowadays) is unreliable. I can go to Lunchbrag’s Facebook page and it will say “154 people like Lunchbrag.” After a refresh, it will list only 153. Another refresh, 155.

Yesterday I tried to post two links on my work page’s wall. I clicked “share” and a status popped up that said “Something went wrong! We are working to fix the problem,” so I tried again. Same message. Tried again and ended up with four duplicate posts that my coworkers could see but I could not. A day later, I still cannot see them even though I had no trouble posting items.

Unfortunately, “quitting” Facebook isn’t really an option for me, because as I said, I use it for work. And more than a third of Lunchbrag’s traffic comes from Facebook. It really can be a useful tool. A useful tool that’s a pain in the ass to use.